There was a time in my life when getting out of bed felt like a battle I couldn’t win. I had lost confidence in myself, in my decisions, and even in my ability to keep moving forward. Despondency has a way of sneaking in quietly until suddenly it feels like it has taken up permanent residence in your mind.
But here’s what I learned: self-esteem isn’t something that disappears forever. It bends, it bruises, but it can be rebuilt. And in that rebuilding, you often discover a version of yourself that’s stronger and more compassionate than before.
Learning to Sit With the Silence
In my lowest moments, silence felt like my enemy. The quiet would flood me with thoughts of not being good enough, not being capable, not being worthy. Over time, I began to shift my relationship with silence. Instead of running from it, I sat with it. I listened. And eventually, I found that silence was simply making room for me to hear my own truth again.
The Power of Small Steps
One of the biggest lies despondency tells us is that we have to make huge changes to feel better. The truth? Small steps matter the most. I started celebrating the tiniest wins: drinking a full glass of water, writing a few lines in my journal, making a phone call I had been avoiding. These little victories slowly built momentum, and with each step, my self-esteem grew stronger.
Reframing the Inner Voice
For years, my inner dialogue was filled with words I would never say to someone I loved. I realized I had to start treating myself like a friend instead of a critic. I began asking, What would I say to someone else going through this? And then I said those words to myself. Over time, my inner voice softened, and I started to believe the kindness I was offering.
Choosing to Rise
Self-esteem doesn’t return overnight. It returns through choices. The choice to keep showing up for yourself. The choice to surround yourself with people who remind you of your light. The choice to believe, even when it feels impossible, that you are more than your lowest moments.
Every time I feel myself slipping back into that place of despondency, I remind myself of the lotus flower—the symbol that inspires this space. The lotus blooms from the mud, not despite it. Its beauty is a direct result of the darkness it grew through. And so is ours.
If you’re reading this and struggling with your own self-esteem, please remember: you are not broken. You are in the process of blooming.
Plant Remedies
For those who value the restorative power of plant medicine, the following botanicals have been traditionally used to support emotional balance and encourage the rebuilding of self-esteem.
Star of Bethlehem- Shock or grief.
Larch- Rebuilds confidence.
Willow- Accepting misfortune.
Pine- Experiencing guilt and feel discontent.
Oak- Provides strength when fatigued.
Elm- Feeling overwhelmed.
Crab Apple- Helps with obsessive-compulsive tendencies.
Sweet Chestnut- Support emotional endurance.